Impressions

I must come across as a hugely bi-polar individual and / or a raging lunatic. Well the truth is that . . . .

well, yeah, that's probably the truth, come to think of it.

Cheerio!

NCC 1701

On my way to work in the mornings, I find myself behind a small sedan with a personalized license plate that says "NCC 1701".

First I have to giggle.

Then I have to remember that I can understand the reference, hence the giggle.

Stuff

Good afternoon, you'uns. It's been a while. Here's some general stuff.

- I've been busting ass at work with our new EVP of Sales and Marketing. It's been awesome, but tiring. As a matter of fact, I feel guilty for posting this blog now. That's why it'll be in bullet form.
- Lauren moved far, far away and I don't know when I'll be able to see her again. That's just sad.
- The Cadillac is still broken down, so it still needs to be fixed.
- Josh hasn't had a job in almost a month and a half, so our tax return this year (that's actually quite decent) will go to bills and fixing the Cadillac.
- Our fourth anniversary is on Sunday, and I still haven't killed Josh.
- Jack still hasn't come home. I'm beginning to wonder now if he was so damn miserable at the house that he wanted to run away and never be found.
- I can't wait until my birthday even if it is over a month away.
- Reconnecting with old friends and acquaintances is grand.
- There are some people in this world you want very badly to believe, but when they've started a new serious relationship with guy 4, and the pattern is to fall madly in love with the one she's "been waiting for" - have a kid - and then leave, you tend to just go ahead and cut that rope loose before seeing her hurt anyone else.
- I can't fucking wait for Allie to come to Nashville this month, and we can all go out on the town sans that nasty-ass ho that Rachel used to live with.
- Why is it that when you tell someone "just don't be an asshole to my friends" and they'll still be an asshole to your friends?
- I'm still not smoking (for the most part). I've had one cigarette a week for the last month. I'm still taking the Chantix.
- Our new Sleep Number bed is fantastic, but I will not ever recommend Select Comfort to anyone based upon their customer service alone.

Alright, I think that's a good start.

ttfn!

Goodbye, 2007!

When you're a kid you hear your mom say, "The years just fly by!" and you don't believe her. Christmas just can't come quickly enough – and your birthday drags. I've known for a while that my mom was right (the years started speeding up for me at about 15), but it's never rang quite as true as it did this year. 2007 truly just flew by.

Here's a 2007 reflection blog. These are some of the more important (and less important) things that I'd learned in the last year (and hope to not lose).

This year proved to me time and time again who my friends are. I appreciate every one of you even if I don't show it often enough, and if I don't, I truly do apologize for that. Even still, I hope that you all know that if you need me at 3 a.m., keep calling me until I wake up. If you need me, I will be there. This I need you to know.

I learned that some of the best friends can come of the worst situations.

I've learned that no matter where you work there's always one bitch, and no matter where you live there's always white trash.

I learned that if a company still won't do what you need them to do to make you a satisfied customer, go ahead – leave them. Don't spend valuable hours and valuable dollars hoping that your threats will be enough for them to appreciate you.

I've re-learned that no matter how much you think you're being appreciative, sometimes you're still taking the most valuable things in life for granted.

I learned that, at 26 years of age, I'm still coming to know myself, know my limits, and know that some of my limits I previously thought in stone truly weren't.

I re-learned that everyone – and I do mean everyone – is human.

I learned that if you have enough patience, enough hair to pull out of your head, and enough friends to vent toward, you truly can help your relationship get better – but it takes patience, not giving up, and it takes friends who know how to keep their mouths shut when you vent to them and say things that you would never, ever mean (and the venting helps keep you from saying something stupid later).

I've re-learned that some people never change; they have their pattern of behavior and that pattern usually won't be reversed if they're already "set in their ways".

I've re-learned that you don't WANT people to change. You want them to be them, even if that means removing yourself from an unhealthy situation to heal your own heart or if that means re-evaluating your situation to see that sometimes it's not nearly as bad as you think.

Now for some specifics about 2007 . . . .

I started "Friends blogs" this year to introduce all my friends to one another and didn't complete or continue those (but I plan to in 2008).

I had the most amazing birthday (of my life!) this year. I made it the "week of April" and celebrated with a spa day, dinner at work, Italian dinner with Josh and Jose, wonderful home-made lasagna that Rachel made and a party that Rachel, Lauren, and Shanna put together for me, and plenty of time off to nurse my hangovers. Truly fantastic, I'll tell ya.

The Simpsons Movie came out – about fucking time!! I loved every minute of it.

Jose lived with Josh and I for a little while, long enough to get us (mainly) back on our feet and long enough to help out Jose, too. And our friendship survived this time.

I fell in love with Ray Lamontagne's music and became determined to share the word.

I dropped Sprint like a hot potato when they decided they didn't appreciate our 5-year relationship and still demanded a deposit for a second, family-share line. I then picked up Verizon and have since been in love.

I started as Sales and Marketing Manager in February 2007. To be honest with you, I thought it would be easier than this. Truth is that this freaking sucks. Business has been slow and, in this position, it doesn't really matter WHY business has been slow, just that business HAS been slow. I thought I would end up making the big bucks but commissions just haven't come as expected. Further, I'm beginning to wonder if I belong in this seat as they've just brought in an Executive Vice President of Business Development. More importantly, I'm beginning to wonder if THEY think I belong in this seat.

But I still bust my ass.

I also lost one of my children. Mid-November Jack ran out of the house. I truly took that cat-dog for granted. I've looked, I've searched, I've tried to trap, and all to no avail. Either he doesn't want to come home or he keeps moving too fast for me to catch up with him. I'm sad, regardless, but I also just hope he's ok and happy wherever he may be. It's time to let him go now, seriously, and move on. BabyGirl's becoming more and more awesome every day. She's even started doing what I miss most about Jack, and that's the way that he greeted me at my bedroom door every morning as I got out of the shower. I miss him, I miss him, I miss him.

Alright, guys. I know there's much, much more but my lunch break is over and I need to keep busy or I'll go nuts trying to NOT smoke.

Coming soon – 2008 resolutions.

A Sad Time in the Household

I suppose all of you can very well figure out what this blog will be referencing. If not, please let me know which rock you're under so I can climb underneath it with you and forget this for a while.

Sunday afternoon at about 2 or 3:00, I got up and took some trash outside and left the back door open for a minute like I usually do. I got finished, came back inside, and didn't see Jack for the rest of the night. I figured he was upstairs or under the futon sleeping.

Monday morning I got up and went for work. Jack always meets me at the top of the stairs when I come out of the bedroom from getting ready for work. He talks to me, follows me downstairs, gets a bit of attention, wants food, and I go off to work - usually. I went downstairs and checked his foodbowl. It was full, so I figured he was fine. Later that morning, Josh called me and said, "Jack's not here. I've taken the bag of treats all over the house, shook it, called his name - he's not anywhere in this house." He called me back later to tell me Jose and Aaron didn't recall seeing him that evening when they stopped by for a bit, either. By the time I got home Monday afternoon, he'd already been gone over 24 hours. I drove around the neighborhood stopping every 100 feet or so and calling his name. I'm sure my neighbors thought I was crazy - that's ok. I never saw him.

Yesterday at work I made the fliers you see on my profile. I made copies. By the time I got back to town, he'd been gone 48 hours. On my way home, I stopped at every business within a mile radius of the house and posted the fliers, talked to some helpful people, and made my way to the house where I changed shoes and started hoofing through the neighborhood knocking door-to-door with my fliers and taping them to the doors of those who didn't answer. Last night I got a call at 9 p.m. "I'm over here in the Food Lion parking lot and I see a cat - I can't get close to it, so I can't tell if it's yours or not . . ." I high-tailed it there just to find out it was a little black and white cat, not Jack. But these folks had stayed, waited for me to get there, to keep the cat in sight until I made it. Bless them.

This morning at 4 a.m. I got a phone call. "I just got your flier - he's out here every day playing when it's not cold outside." I thanked him for the call. I knew that wasn't Jack. The guy that called lives one building down from me. I'd been calling all over the neighborhood two nights in a row. Jack responds to his name - and he didn't come. I appreciate his helpfulness, though. On my way into work at 7 a.m., I stopped by the Humane Society and filled out a form for my missing cat. I also found out about a website, petharbor.com, that lists all the animal shelters and what-not in the area and you can search for your pet. Jack hadn't been picked up, but now they know to look for him, too.

I haven't gotten any more calls. I was expecting to as people went through the day today and came home from work. I suppose that's the way it goes sometimes, but I'm heartbroken. I think that most of you understand that my cats are my children; I've never been one to think I'd be good with human children, and I've always half-way expected my cats to be my only children . . . Now one of my kids is missing.

As the weather changes again, I'm getting more concerned. It's rained all day, and if he's outside, I know he's miserable. Tonight thunderstorms are coming through with tornado warnings. It's going to get crazy and windy out there, and he's going to be scared - unless someone picked him up, and I don't know what to do other than what I'm already doing. I'm planning on calling vets on Friday to see if someone's brought in a stray cat to be vaccinated/checked out.

BabyGirl is showing more and more signs of separation anxiety with each passing day. She doesn't know where her brother is. These two haven't spent more than an hour without one another since Jose and I rescued them from Happy Tales Humane six years ago. Normally an extremely quiet, reserved cat, she is following us around the house on our heels, talking (squeaking) almost constantly, being glommy and attaching herself to our laps as much as possible. And her eating habits have changed; she's still eating, thank goodness, but not nearly like she normally does. I'm concerned for her, too, because as it's been discussed before - BabyGirl isn't BabyGirl without Jack, and Jack isn't Jack without BabyGirl.

Everyone - thank you for your well-wishes, your thoughts, your prayers, and your help if you're assisting. I really do appreciate it from the bottom of my heart.

I'll be over here, trying to push away those feelings of impending doom.

Tagged! 2

Alright, Amy, you got your wish. You tagged me to list five strengths I have. I've listed five strengths here, and by damn – it's not a sign of arrogance, it's a sign of confidence!

1. I'm a great listener. Since I was a teen, my friends have come to me with all sorts of problems and issues because they knew I'd listen, offer advice if they asked, and could generally rationalize things pretty well. Most importantly, they knew I wouldn't jackknife the conversation or tell anyone else. Over the last couple weeks, I've actually been told much more often that I'm a good listener. More and more often I hear, "I normally don't tell people this, but for some reason I just want to talk to you." Well folks, as Fraiser Crane would say, "I'm listening."

2. I'm a better friend. Because of some of the things listed above, but not all, I am a great friend. I will never betray you. I will keep my promises to you. I can be a social jackass by not calling as much as I should, but my caring comes through when you need it most. Call me at 3 a.m. if you don't have anyone to talk to. Know that I'm non-judgmental and I'll hear your heart. I am someone to confide in when you have no one else.

3. My titties are better than yours. I feel vaguely bad about posting this here, but you have to understand that it took many, many years for me to be happy about me. For the longest I felt outcast whether that was the case or not, and the fact that I've matured into a lady whose physique is not necessarily sought after, but whose physique can be less than abominable, is one that makes me proud. And just because I say, "My tits are better than yours," I'm not saying mine are really better – I'm saying I'm proud of the rack I've got. Even more so, I'm trying to let all my lovely ladies know that you are BEAUTIFUL. You are stunning. You are gorgeous women. I am blessed to know some truly immaculate ladies – and you are the ones. I will do my best to convince you all of that one day.

4. I can usually be calm in crazy situations. Seriously, I can keep my cool. If something's going on and you need help, let me know. I'm not promising I can do anything but lend an ear, but either way, I'm there for you.

5. I work my ass off. In other words, I'm devoted – not just to my job and my responsibilities, but I'm devoted to those I love, also. I concentrate, I do my best, and I do my best to prove myself to (most importantly) myself and those I never want to disappoint.

Alright, you'uns. Those are the five reasons I kick ass. How do you guys kick ass?

Just for Giggles

Bumper sticker:
I'm hung like Einstein
And smart as a horse.